The Sound of Mindfulness
Hello everyone,
I'm hoping your mindfulness journey is going well and you are finding these strategies helpful as we find what works specifically for you and/or your child if you are a parent. This week we will focus on mindful listening. Humans are interesting creatures when it comes to the concept of listening. Back when we were tribal, all 5 senses were key to survival, but listening was very important in many aspects. Using it for hunting, ensuring a threat had passed, strategizing how the tribe would make it through a drought or a war, etc. Listening to each other and sharing ideas is also what has helped us create the society we know and thrive in today... However, as our species has advanced, we all have really forgotten how to listen.
In conversation, many of us are so caught up in how we are going to respond to someone, we don't really listen to what they are trying to say... instead, we hear a few key words then use most of our energy thinking of a some sort of disagreement or contribution to what is being said. Mindfully listening requires we don't even think about what we are going to say. It requires full mental energy on taking in (listening) what the other person is saying AND THEN we think of our response. How often does it happen that we tell somebody an idea or discuss a situation and how it made us feel and the other person gives a response and you immediately say "that's not what I'm saying", orthe other person say that to you in response to your response to them? That's because neither person was truly listening to what was being said. They heard a few key words and made an assumption and focused their response around their assumption of what you are trying to communicate.
A good place to start practicing mindful listening is trying to listen and take in the sounds around you. Here's an exercise I'd like you to try. As usual, find a place where you know you will not be interrupted for at least 10 minutes. Humans are highly reliant on our eyes, so closing your eyes for this exercise will be very helpful but if that's too uncomfortable you can still do this exercise successfully with your eyes open. Now, all you need to do is listen to what's around you. As we've been practicing, any thoughts or stresses that come up as you try this- simply take note of them, acknowledge they are there, and let them go so you can focus on the sounds. Again, the sounds are an anchor to help you stay present and go against our brain's inclination to drift into the future or past. Do take note of the associations and feelings that come up with the sounds. You can focus on one sound or multiple sounds, but the goal here is to stay present in what you are hearing in the moment. The other goal being, practicing listening without judgment or over thinking how you are going to react to the sound.
Once you feel you have a good handle of mindfully listening to sounds without thoughts or emotions being preoccupying to you, give it a try with communication. First, really try to listen to a person talking before jumping into conversation. Something like listening to a radio DJ or an audio-book. Your goal will be to actually take in every word they are saying, being mindful of the context, their tone, inflection, and their point to what they are saying. This is good practice because in conversation, as mentioned before, we tend to get too caught up in how we will/should react/respond to what someone is saying to us. By listening to the radio, news, or audio-book no one is expecting a response so this can help you hone your mindful listening skills.
Now, the real test. Converse with someone and mindfully listen to the context, their tone, inflection, and their point to what they are saying. Not only will this help prevent miscommunications and conflict, this will help with connection to others, help them feel heard, help you provide responses that are meaningful and related, and will enrich the conversation. Especially in today's world, we don't listen enough. We get very caught up in our thoughts and opinions, which it is good to know your values and have passion for topics, but it also prevents us from growing and learning from each other.
Parents: Don't just do this with adults. Doing this with your children and modeling it for them whenever you communicate with other people is going to instill healthy and effective listening skills for your child as they grow and develop through life. Maybe if we all went back to truly listening to each other, there would be less conflict in the world.
Have a great week! Please post any questions or comments you might have on this topic! Now go out there and listen! Who knows what you've been missing :)
See you next week when I talk about mindful vision!