Global and National Grief

I had every intention to do this post back in April, but her we are. It’s been a very hectic and emotional 2 months for most of us, myself included. Most Americans are having a lot of different feelings about the pandemic and many of the political issues and policies in the U.S. Regardless of your thoughts, stances, and feelings on the pandemic or American politics- Most of us are feeling one or several stages of grief along with fear, maybe even despair. My practice has become busier than ever in the last few months and the common theme coming up is grief and fear. Before I get into it, this will start out sounding like a political post. It is not. The intention of this post is to discuss the mental health repercussions and possibly offer some things we can do to take care of ourselves and others during this very tumultuous time in American history.

Just in the last few months, while we are all navigating a pandemic, America is gearing up for what is said to be a historic election. The nation is polarized with opposing views and many Americans are somewhere in the middle of various issues trying to figure out where they stand. Not because they necessarily have too, but the pressure is on for people to pick their “side”. Whether this is intentional or not, the Left and the Right of America are basically demanding all American’s pick a side. This is stressful and near impossible with so many political issues with opposing views in this country. Others would say it is necessary because the neutrality and “seeing both sides” has allowed too much oppression and injustice to go on. On the other hand, America was built on the idea the differing perspectives and ideas would make us a great nation. I think where the line is drawn for me, especially as a social worker, is when a group or individual is being treated unjustly. At least, that’s my moral compass through all of this.

The grief and fear I mentioned earlier, is multi-faceted. One aspect of the grief and fear circles a lot around the sudden change and unimaginable amount of deaths from COVID-19. However, even before the pandemic, many Americans were scared and grieving the state of America. It seems that no topic is safe from being politicized and made a partisan issue. this is tribalism, and it’s an old and primal instinct we as pack animals have relied for centuries. In modern society, tribalism does not due much for us. You can see through modern history, attempts to make policies and send messages that go against tribalism. Yet, at the same time, we also see many messages that promote tribalism, especially more recently. Many of my clients and people I know are grieving the fact that tribalism seems to be winning, which is making them question the human race in general.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been struggling with this myself. I know there are good people out there, however, when you see cases like the murders of Breonna Taylor, Ahmed Aubrey, and George Floyd along with videos like the one’s Christian Cooper took of Amy Cooper where she made a false 911 report on camera all happening in such close succession, it’s hard to keep faith in justice and that enough good people exist to make a difference. It creates the sense of hopelessness because we see these news reports and then remember “Right, these things keep happening”. Flint, Michigan still does not have clean water, many Americans still do not understand the Black Lives Matter movement, racism, homophobia, transphobia, and sexism are still rampant and normalized, and some people are saying a stay at home orders are horrific crimes of oppression. Despite all of these facts, I offer this as some possible hope.

This is a time for us as individuals and a society to reflect. I’m realistic, not near enough people will actually take a step back and reflect on themselves and our society. I do not say most people will not do this to be a pessimist, but many people do not have the skills to truly reflect or introspect nor do many people have the capacity to look at these difficult and ugly parts of themselves or their society. In social work, we look at systems on multiple levels: Macro (Big picture, greater society), Mezzo (Communities, groups, institutions), Micro (Individual, families). All of them matter and most of us are grieving and scared on multiple levels. All the levels also have some very difficult aspects to look at.

For myself, I am trained to be aware and constantly work on my internal biases I have at my own micro-level. I also need to do the same for any institution I work for or affiliate with as well as my groups of people I associate myself with. Are these people I want to associate with, do they mesh with my values, etc. Many people are grieving America, the macro-level. How do we feel about how America has been and where it is headed? Most American’s would say they do not like where the country was been headed but disagree on how to change it.

This brings me back to grief. Western psychology tried to make grief, a very complex emotion, make more sense by breaking down into 5 stages (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression/Despair, Acceptance/Hope). Some mental health researchers talk about 7 stages, but we won’t get into that today for simplicities sake. The term stages is misleading, however, because it implies that grief can be linear. It isn’t, but wouldn’t be nice if it was! Instead, grief can be divided in 5 states or emotions and all can be felt one at a time or a mix of any of them. The goal being getting to the final stage, acceptance. This is achieved by allowing yourself to process the other 4, however with emotions, there is no real timeline. It’s specific to each person and the context. We see many Americans in a mix of anger and despair currently, however, if you look we can see denial and bargaining all over with people. Whether we are talking about the pandemic and it’s uncertainty or any number of injustices or issues that occur in the world. You’ll notice fear is not a stage of grief, but it is very present in many Americans right now. It could be argued that the fear is what is driving people into the grief.

So what do we do? We feel, but not to a point of overwhelm or emotional flooding. We feel them by allowing them to be there and recognizing when we are spiraling into overwhelm. Picture our grief and fear as a lake we are floating in. In order to see what is in the water and make sense of it, we have to go under the water, but we need to come up for air otherwise we will drown and be stuck. Coming up for air is the equivalent to utilizing coping strategies like deep breathing, exercise, talking, doing something enjoyable, etc. Once we dive in a few times, the water becomes less murky and we can see what’s down there more clearly. Anger, sadness, fear… and we can even start to see what we are actually having specific feelings about and why. This clarity does not make the feelings go away, but it makes them more manageable. Once this happens, you can start the journey of accepting what is beyond your control so you can focus on things you have control over and find solutions. This may not sound like much, but it is empowering. things that seemed beyond your control, you may find you actually have more control than you thought. If not, then you know this is something you may need to grieve. Focusing on what you can control helps with the grieving process and helps find hope in areas where you do not have control.

It’s a very uncomfortable process that has a lot of great rewards. The primary one being, finding hope. Without hope, we as humans sink into depression and constantly feel powerless. I hope this post was helpful, feel free to ask any questions or write how you have been grieving and processing these last several months.

Take care and be well.