The science and function of anxiety- Without all the jargon

Hello!  I hope your week is already off to a good a start.

For my first real blog post, I thought it would probably be good to start with the basics.  Any one who has or is working with me knows I like to start with education around how the brain is designed to help us and how the brain inadvertently makes life more difficult.  I do this because it's important to understand that the very basic purposes of anxiety is motivation and survival on your journey of learning how to manage your feelings.  More specifically, anxiety creates the motivation to survive.  At this point I'm sure the first thought in your head is "Well, I get stressed at (work, while driving, while arguing with my partner, etc.) my life isn't in danger during these times..."  You're right!  You know that, but the brain only knows that you are stressed.  You have to tell your brain you're survival is not threatened in this situation.  The brain can do amazing things but we have to consciously let our brain know we are safe, and we need to believe ourselves that we are safe.

I reference "The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling, Start Living" by Dr. Russ Harris.  Here's some of his free resources you can look at to learn more about what I'm talking about: https://thehappinesstrap.com/free-resources/ 

Dr. Harris brings up a of good points around how our society has developed and evolved about a century faster than our neruo-biology.  Our society doesn't have nearly as many life threatening stressors (predators, famine, etc.) but the brain is still preprogramed and developed to keep it's self and body alive at all costs from any perceived threats.  Perceived threats, meaning anything that induces stress or anxiety.  The brain also works towards returning to a regulated state by seeking safety or a way to diffuse the trigger.  Here's a play by play of what happens:

1) A stressor comes to your attention.

2) Brain recognizes there is a stressor that COULD be a threat to survival and goes to its pre-programming: "ALERT! DANGER!!"

3) The prefrontal cortex holds all the executive functioning skills of the brain (i.e. logic, rationality, problem solving, empathy, etc.) all those skills that make us a sophisticated species.  Once the alert is sounded the brain is programmed to shut down all executive functioning and activate the amygdala- the part of the brain that controls the Flight/Fight/Freeze response all living things resort to for survival.

4) The brain picks the response that has worked most often in the past when the brain perceives a threat or whatever in that mili-second the brain deems most appropriate and you go into auto-pilot.

5) The hear beast faster to release more blood to give more energy and adrenaline is also released to help this.  The digestive system shuts down and the body tenses.

This is why people will talk about feeling dizzy and out of control of their own body in different stressful times.  This is also why they describe stomach and GI issues along with sore or tense muscles.  Our lungs are the only organ we really have control of in these moments, which is why therapists are always talking about breathing.  The self-talk is also key because you need to help your brain understand you are safe.

Bringing back to your original thought: "But James, I'm stressed out by life threatening events, it's usually just work, money, or my relationships".  Again, all of it come down to survival.  How often have you had a thought similar to: "These cars need to speed up or I'll be late and my boss will be mad at me!"- You care if your boss is angry at you because they determine if you keep your job, which in today's modern society, dictates if we will survive or not because we need an income to survive.  It's the same for our relationships- "I don't want them to be upset with me because they might make other people think I'm bad or my partner might reject me"- Human connection is also directly related to our survival.  Whether we want to admit it or not, despite all our advances, humans still need each other for survival.

Now you know, that's part of managing your stress and anxiety.  Acknowledging you are having these feelings and why and then bringing in facts and logic to let your brain know you will be ok.  We call this, reframing.  Instead of "Traffic is slow, I'll be late and my boss will be mad at me" reframe to "I'm in this situation, fight/flight/freeze won't help me.  I'll explain to my boss and they might be upset or they might understand".  This thought terrifies some people because it is admitting a lack of control of a situation and that in and of itself is relinquishing control to your own survival.  If it seems too much for you to relinquish that much control, another reframe would be "There's nothing I can do to figure this out until I'm calm.  I am safe right now.  I'll figure this out once I calm down." and figuring it out might be figuring out a way to leave earlier in the morning and letting your boss know you are working on it.

Parents reading this, this is also what happens to your child.  The difference is, you have the fully developed brain that can more easily rationalize with your brain.  Children are still learning what is safe and what is dangerous and their brains are still developing their executive functioning skills.  That being said, their amygdalas are ready and raring to go into survival mode more so than an adult brain.  That means, as the adult, you need to be your child's frontal cortex when they are upset and model healthy coping and regulation skills for them.  Healthy coping skills are taught and practiced, they don't come preprogramed unfortunately.

Now this doesn't mean you try to rationalize with your child in moments of stress.  It means you join with them and show them you are calm and will keep them safe.  Validation is key.  No one likes to be told "calm down" or "that's nothing to be upset about".  That creates shame, which triggers the survival response because shame implies possible rejection which means possible risk to survival.  Try using one of these 49 Phrases to Calm an Anxious Child next time your child is having a hard time.  But remember, you need to be regulated and have your frontal cortex activated before you can be a good support to your child.

Now that you understand the science and purpose behind anxiety go out and give reframing a try.  Also, practice taking a moment to analyze "Why did I get so stressed out over that?" and see how it might relate to your sense of survival.

Next week we'll talk about being present and the helpful power of being mindful to better understanding your anxiety.  

Take care and be well,

-James